The internet’s down, which is partially the reason I have time to write this. Problem is, it went down in the middle of me writing an email. The one time I actually write an email (I prefer IMs and hiding away in my small corner of the world to emails). So what’s the problem? Well since I wasn’t sure gmail had auto saved it I saved a copy in word. But of course I can’t have an email sitting infront of me and just leave it be. I need to analyse every word I wrote and make sure it sounds right, make sure I’m not too honest. No idea what I’m trying not to be honest about…
Listen to song for guy by Elton John
oh and watch some Tim Minchin
What? I’m bored and like to share my taste in music and comedy. Not sure if share is the right word I suppose. It sorta implies that someone else is reading this. I’m beginning more and more to think that this blog is purely a reminder to myself, so I can read over it in years to come and laugh at how naïve I was, how naïve I am. Or maybe a vent, a way to get all my falsified emotions out in the open, convince myself that I’ve taken the first step to telling people how I feel (or even figuring it out myself) since I have made information about my jumbled emotions public. But I haven’t even done that. The only person I fool is myself, mainly because there is no-one else who reads this and therefore no-one else to be fooled.
School is over for the year. I suppose I should be happy. Not that I’ve really had a day to relax. My last exam was on Monday. Tuesday I had to sort out the paperwork for my driving test, Wednesday I sat and failed the test (seriously, the retards LTNZ employs these days), Thursday I had an opticians appointment, Friday (today) I had (and missed) another, tomorrow I go in for a 3rd/2nd (to pick up my glasses) and next week I plan on working to earn money for walsh. I feel so damn relaxed.
“I think it’s time, we give it up, and figure out, what’s stopping us, from breathing easy, and talking straight”
I had another self aware moment today. The whole, I am the only me, I am the only person who sees through these eyes, I am the only person whose existence I can prove beyond doubt, I am unique, I am special. God it bugs me when that happens. But it makes me think, why don’t I just go for it, what’s the worst that can happen (apart from agonising drawn out death, or agonising drawn out life for that matter) I guess what I’m saying is, I need to take more risks in life, I need to live a little bit more. And I need to seriously get trashed sometime this summer (for spiritually developmental reasons of course)
“I wonder how it feels to be famous, but wonders ‘bout as far as I will go, ‘cause I’d probably lose myself in all the pieces, and end up being someone I don’t know”
I wish I could loosen up a bit, I always feel like I have to play it safe, always be responsible. I’m way too old for a teenager (but not as old as some other teenagers I know). I also need to lose the glasses. I know it’s ridiculously shallow but I hate them, I mean, sure I’m a nerd but that’s not the first impression I want to give. I want people to see me, not the glasses. I think society (myself included) judge way too much on first appearances. Take way too much from how a person looks. I suppose how a person chooses to present themselves is part of someones real identity but many things they do not have a choice about, I guess what I’m saying is humans need to be less shallow. I need to stop saying that I guess crap.
I hate it when that happens, I just caught myself searching trying to think of another song quote to put, it bugs me, the 1st 2 just sorta happened, so I feel I need to continue the trend. Just as I feel I need to continue this paragraph, but my rant is finished, my inspiration once again depleted.
Spread the love not the legs